No Limit

No Limit! However badly done, however boring or raunchy a text may be, it finds its place here. Only well done, sophisticated rhymes are strictly not allowed here.

Now, lim it yourself! Or cite some other's work, but don't forget to give the author's name, please.

As a first example, read this one:

An elderly lady from Bibury,
wrote a telegram, saying: Good Bye, Barry!
To her husband she sent
it without a comment.
For she'd met a young stallion in Byberry.

A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican?

And another version:

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill can hold more than his beli-can.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I’m damned if I see how the heli-can.

Some say, this limerick is by Edward Lear, "the undisputed master of the limerick", 1812-1882.
Others see Poet Ogden Nash as its author. (died 1971)
The verse has also been attributed to Dixon Lanier Merritt, a humorist (died in 1972).

A woman from southern Namibia
had been married to a rich man in Lybia.
More a slavery it seemed
and she frequently dreamed (also: dreamt)
of the one who would say: "I will lib ya!"

www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/dreamed-or-dreamt?page=all
Cassell's, Twelth edition, 1968 hat nur dreamt.
Aber! leo.org und Colllins online geben beide 2015 dreamed gleichberechtigt mit dreamt...

Da war dieses Fräulein im Freudenhaus,
das kam mit den seltsamsten Leuten aus,
nur Nikolaus Wicht,
mit dem wollt‘ es nicht,
beim Höhepunkt seufzte der: Ei, der Daus!
(Vielleicht war das alles zu neu fürn Klaus?)

[Lailany]

Nüsse knacken
Herr Rüteli, Schlaufuchs aus Basel,
liebt Nüsse (am liebsten vom Hasel)
so sehr, dass er dreamt,
sie hängen vom Hæmd-
zipfel. Baselgefasel.

Schools in weird places
The colourful pronounciation
from each and every nation
is not taught at school,
but even a fool
can learn it at Interrail station.

The two runaways
What happened to Spelling and Grammar
which came under Rütelis hammer?
They hid in a dic-
tionary and nick-
named him Poetryslammer.

But then:

Dispute within - sorry or not sorry?

Not sorry
Conveniently I forgot
the crux of Herrn Rütelis plot:
Faux pas and mistakes
are icing the cakes
which make the No Limit thread hot.

Sorry
Unfortunately I forgot
the crux of Sir Rütelis plot:
Faux pas and mistakes
are icing on cakes
to make the No Limit thread hot.

But then again... old habits die hard.

There was a young lady of station
"I love man" was her sole exclamation
But when men cried, "You flatter"
She replied, "Oh! no matter!
Isle of Man is the true explanation."

(by Lewis Carroll)

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
claimed E equals MC squared,
which means mass decreases
as activity ceases ...
not my mass, my ass declared!

(by Michael R. Burch)

Da quakt eine Ente in Gansingen,
die täte gar gerne Sopran singen,
nur die Koloratur
ist ihr einfach zu schwur,
gibt sie Laut, tut sie mehr wie ein Schwan klingen.

Ein Berner, geboren in Liebefeld,
nun meistens, wohin grad die Liebe fällt,
wird plötzlich vermisst,
kein Wunder, denn wisst:
Er hat eine Neue in Bielefeld!


("Bielefeld gibt es nicht.")

The limerick packs laughs anatomical

Into space that is quite economical.

But the good ones I've seen

So seldom are clean

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

(Origin unknown)